And to think..we used to do everything sober...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
