i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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