Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
