My friends, they love my intelligence
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
