I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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