his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
