My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
