My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
