Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future