I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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