yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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