i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
