I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
