i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
