we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
