at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
