party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
