She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
