Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Randomize
