this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
