can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
