Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there