I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
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I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
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oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.