You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just pee around me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
