just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Randomize
