I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
