They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
