Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
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I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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