I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
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Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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