I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
