Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
