You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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