His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
