Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
