I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
