I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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