Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
