How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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