Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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