I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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