How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
