thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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