I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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