girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
