You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
