the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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