I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
