respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
