if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my shit smells like andre
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
