Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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