So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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