Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
