I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
