Acid is not a monday night drug
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
