i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's rum buckets o'clock
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize