like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
