How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
