you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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