i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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