cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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