Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
