I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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