rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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