Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
