You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
