That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
