She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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