well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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