I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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