your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
