I hate all girls vehemently.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
