im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
