i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
is it fun? or sober?
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